How do I get to be the customer that is actually being assisted?

 

“All of our representatives are busy assisting other customers,” sound familiar?  

“Your call is important to us, please stay on the line.”  Funny, I do not feel important.  

“We are experiencing unusually high caller volume.”  Yeah, right.  If you have such high call volume, maybe all your services are screwed up and that is why so many people have to talk to the next available representative. 

I just spent 15 minutes (yes I timed it) on the phone with a bank waiting to be one of those lucky customers.  When I finally reached a real person, I was placed on hold and then transferred to another person.  However, there is a game you have to play just to hear that uplifting message. You have to figure out the correct number to enter, and it truly appears that they have the systems designed to keep you in a never-ending loop.  Take notice the next time you get into a voice system how infrequently you hear the instructions on how to get to a real person.  There are times I feel like I am building a meaningful relationship with the digital voice (notice it is always a women). 

My phone company is the worst. It is nearly impossible to get further than the instructions on how you can go check your own phone before you can have any hope of talking with a person.  When you do get to a person the first thing they ask is if you want instructions on how to check your own phone for the problem.  No thank you, it is pouring rain and I do not want to take a handset out to the box on the side of my house and plug it into the jack to see if there is a tone.  CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? 

Fugettaboutit

Fugettaboutit

When you do figure out how to reach a representative they are always “assisting…”   After banging your phone for a while try just 0 or #0 or *0 or even 88 at any point.  Of course, you run the risk of going back to the top of the tree or worse you may be asked if you want to hear the instructions in English.  I’ll try anything. Are there fewer customers being assisted on the Spanish line, I wonder? 

I have a solution, if my call is so important then put more customer service representatives on the damn phone.  Of course, my call is not important, they don’t want to talk to me for fear that I may have a questions or problem that pressing 1, or 6, or 8 will not resolve and instead requires some human being to think and that generally presents a problem.  

The next time you reach a customer service representative, try this, ask if they can hold for a few minutes as you have been waiting so long you have to take a pee. Then you will find out just how important you really are.

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