Tips on being an old man

Trust me, I have experience as I enter my eighth decade. As you get older, never act that way. Remember, deep within you is that eighteen year old. Listen to him from time to time. Occasionally act like him.

• Walk briskly, not like you are on your last leg.
• Stand up straight.
• Don’t walk around with your mouth open, you look dorky.
• Don’t make getting out of a chair an engineering project.
• Continue to deny you snore.
• Stop repeating yourself
• People aren’t interested in the benefits you earned and deserve
• Keep that old flip phone well hidden
• Don’t moan and groan – expect on those rare and appropriate occasions.
• Don’t look shabby – dressing within your age bracket is fine, black knee length dress sock with oxfords while wearing shorts is not.
• Stop telling young people what it was like in the old days – fun I know and they should be interested, but they aren’t.
• Eat what you like and want to eat – it’s too late to worry about it in any case
• You may be proud you served, but lose the Vietnam and CVN69 cap. It’s a senior red flag.
• Speaking of flags, please don’t clip one to the window of your car – no reindeer antlers either.
• How healthy are you? Stand on one foot in bare feet for 30 seconds. If you can do it, you’re doing pretty good.
• If you live in one of the communities billed as senior living, always deny it. Where you live should not have a depressing or flowery name.
• Don’t make the last Social Security COLA a topic of discussion.
• Don’t complain about living on a fixed income – pretty good chance you aren’t.
• Don’t let anyone catch you checking the obituaries- especially for your name.
• Avoid the words “I can’t remember.”
• Don’t steal sugar or catsup packets at a restaurant.
• It’s okay to ask for the senior discount, everyone thinks you’re poor anyway.
• Don’t book appointments or meetings after 2:00pm, you will be asleep – or on your way to a late dinner.
• Stop repeating yourself 😎

Rock on!